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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?